How to Pour the Perfect Bowl of Cereal

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So you want to learn how to pour the perfect bowl of cereal, huh? You’ve come to the right place. By the time you’ve finished reading this essay, you will be armed with a powerful arsenal of knowledge about the art of mixing cereal with milk. Let’s divide this skill into two important sections, each with their own sequence of steps. Section one would be called preparation, and section two is the act itself. Let us begin.

Section One: Preparation

The first step is to gather supplies. You will need a bowl, a spoon, your choice of cereal and some sort of milk. You can also use fruit or other food items as toppings. You will need to make choices. Will you use a ceramic bowl or a styrofoam one? How big will it be? Will you choose a metal spoon or plastic? Tablespoon or teaspoon? Make sure to factor in the price of disposable versus non-disposable, and the dull sounds of plastic on styrofoam compared to the real clang.

bowl

Those are only the utensils. Cereals get a lot more complicated. You need to ask yourself what grain it will be made of, whether it’s corn, wheat, rice, granola or some blend of several, or some other grain entirely. There are many reasons why the choice of cereal is essential ingredient. The outcome of the entire bowl will be affected dramatically, depending on what cereal you choose. Some of the factors include the nutrition, flavor, color, taste, and texture and absorption quality. It’s recommended to mix two different types of cereal together in the same bowl to increase variety of both taste and texture. (This will in turn increase the pleasure your tongue will experience, sending delightful messages to your brain, and congratulating it for commanding your hand to lift the spoon to your mouth in the first place.)

Granola

Lastly, you must pick your choice of milk. The standard type of milk is cow’s milk, which comes in three popular varieties: full, 2% fat and skim milk. This is another area of personal preference. Skim milk is favored by dieters and old women who have no taste buds. Full milk is popular among children and skinny people. 2% milk is good for those with a balanced diet.

milk_all3

Say, however, that cow’s milk doesn’t do it for you, either because you have a distrust for milk, or an allergy, or you don’t appreciate the taste in your mouth. There are a number of alternatives you might seek. There’s almond milk and soy milk, both of which are not actually milk, but are only called that because it sells better. I guess the more accurate (and less appetizing) name would be ‘juice’, or perhaps ‘extract’. There are other varieties, such as rice milk and even hemp and quinoa milk.

milkes

Lots of different milks to choose from.

Non-dairy milks differ from cow’s milk in that they usually run in flavors like vanilla, cappuccino and chocolate and usually unsweetened varieties of those same flavors. Careful though, because using alternatives doesn’t mean you can get away with leaving them out of a fridge. They will spoil and pour out with a greyer than normal tinge, in thick, clumpy chunks. You might also find people that will pour water in their cereal. Stay away from them.

Section Two: The Act Itself

Now that you have your materials, it’s time for the cereal pouring itself. Assemble your supplies on a table, or if you want, on a counter. Place your bowl on the flat, clean surface. Leave your spoon on the side for this next step. Take the cereal of your choice and open the packaging. Whether it comes in a smaller granola package or a traditional cereal box, the most important thing about opening the cereal is that it must be easy to pour from without a mess, and that it can be put away without the contents going stale. If this takes an extra minute or a favor from a family member to accomplish, so be it. It is well worth the effort invested, trust me.

This is wrong.

This is wrong.

At this point, you want to make sure that there is ample space for the cereal pouring. Lift the cereal package or box three to six inches away from your bowl, and angle it so that cereal begins to pour (an acute angle of 45 degrees is ideal). If the cereal is stuck within the package, you must widen the opening. Sometimes, even though you opened the package correctly and poured at the right angle, it still won’t pour. Don’t panic. This happens occasionally due to the shifting of the contents. Just give the bag or box a tap. Sometimes a good shake will be necessary to ensure that the cereal goes into the bowl. Be careful! You only want to pour in as much cereal as you want for this sitting. You must be mindful of the next step, which is to pour the milk. If you pour too much cereal, you won’t be able to fill the bowl with the adequate amount of milk. Remember, you can always add more later, but nobody wants to waste cereal.

45 Degrees of Awesome.

45 Degrees of Awesome.

Now it’s time to pour the milk. Notice how the spoon has still not been inserted. This is to lessen the chance of splatter. Bring the lip of the milk carton right up to the bowl. We don’t want a mess now, do we? Begin pouring slowly, and pay very close attention to the milk level. Preference varies with the type of cereal being used, but keep in mind that coarse granolas may require more milk to counter their dryness, while quilted cereals like Life Cereal might need less milk due to their airy mass.

88551359

That’s right. Nice and easy, 45 Degrees.

At last your bowl of cereal is poured. You can now add toppings, such as strawberries, blueberries, chocolate chips.

Put these in your cereal. Now, before I eat them.

Put these in your cereal. Now, before I eat them.

For a particularly bland cereal, you can mix in peanut butter or maple syrup for some extra flavor. You can also choose add these before pouring the milk, to determine a more accurate ratio of milk for the bowl.

512px-Froot-Loops-Cereal-Bowl

It’s really up to you of course, but this ratio sucks.

08261_129867946613668

…Much better.

Now all there is to do is pick up your spoon and eat your perfectly poured bowl of cereal! If for any reason your calculations were off, you can add either cereal or milk as needed to compensate for any imbalance. You should have no sludgy milk left over in your bowl, unless that was what you wanted, in which case you should slurp it up noisily in public, because that’s probably what type of person you are. Thanks for reading this essay. Enjoy your future cereal and milk career!

2 thoughts on “How to Pour the Perfect Bowl of Cereal

  1. That Indian guy might have better luck pouring his milk if he opened the cap. Honestly, it’s really not that complicated.

    Like

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